cold-hearted contessa

Pork chops again.

This time I did them justice by saving the marinade and making a sauce out of it. OMG. It was srsly delicious. I know it was Alexyss Tylor that said “Dick will make you slap somebody in the face.” Alexyss Tylor : Dick :: Me : These mother fucking pork chops right here.

Unfortunately didn’t have parsley, so this dish will be a lifelong resident of BEIGE CITY!

Omelet, round 6

I had to make this one quickly and take it work. It was actually quite yummy despite looking kind of sad. If you look closely in the background, you can see that I have an image of Rogue from the X-Men up at my desk at work. I have no pictures of my family.

I LOVE this tuna salad. The dressing is olive oil, lime juice, wasabi powder, tabasco, salt and pepper. I will use it with tuna in any manner. It’s so tart and delicious. I encourage you to just make some to celebrate in its glory. Rub it on your body. I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump n grind with your favorite tuna salad dressing.

The tuna salad itself consists of the above dressing, tuna, scallions, red onions, and avocado. This was the worst tuna searing job I’ve ever done. I don’t know what I did differently. One side was too done and the other was just barely done enough. Maybe I had the pan too hot or something. I work on an electric range, so that’s perfectly possible. It’s hard to get a hold on that shit.

I rolled it up in a tortilla and ate it as a wrap at work the next day (not all of the salad was used).

Thank you, Barefoot Contessa, for showing me the way.

Omelet, round 5

Yikes! Complete misstep. I am ashamed. Pan was too hot, obviously. It’s like back to square one. Ugly ugly Ugly.

Omelet, round 4

Definitely the CUTEST omelet I’ve made thus far. I feel like I’ve kind of turned a corner. I understand the butter. I’ve browned it. I’ve taken it to the point where it just about browns and that’s where it has to be for these omelets. (Just like it is instructed in the text.)

I don’t understand the technique though. With this omelet, I utilized the fork the most. Not the pan. I know the book says that I can develop my own style of making omelets. So, whatever. Take my fork-made omelets like a bitch!

Omelet, round 3.

I think my technique regressed here and it looks similar to the first one I made. I blame it being 6:45 AM when I did this. I remember thinking that I had the pan too hot and then when the eggs went in, I had the pan not hot enough. I don’t know. It doesn’t look that awful. It was still good, per usual. I just want it to look perfect, you know?

I know it says in the book that I should be willing to throw a few omelets away. But I tend to pick things up quickly. I bet I sound like a crazy person because I’ve made three omelets and I want perfection by the next one.

Anyway, I wanted a fucking condiment to go with this, so I chose ketchup. Totally yummy and worth it.

That’s cranberry juice in the background. Sans vodka. I had to work, after all. So maybe it should have been…unsans Vodka? What’s the opposite of sans?

Greek vanilla yogurt, honey, and 1.5 Tbsp of blood clots…I mean raspberry jam.

I should have left the honey out. I was blown away by how sweet this was. It was good, but my teeth still hurt.

Here is what my first two-component meal looks like. I made some more sautéed potatoes (held back some of the salt which made it taste much better) to go with the pork chops. It was actually quite good. I hate giving myself compliments. But I really did enjoy eating each part of the meal. I wish I would have had some green beans. Just so the whole dish didn’t reside in fucking beige city like all of my food does.

The residual pan juices (aka butter plus whatever was pulled from the pork chops) was delicious on top of the pork and the potatoes. I saved myself a pork chop and a little bit of potatoes for lunch. Hopefully sitting overnight in the rest of the juice will infuse the flavor more.

It’s always astonishing to me how much the look of food can change just by cooking it.

I used the lemon and herb marinade recipe from Mastering the Art of French Cooking as well as the method for cooking the pork chops in a casserole. Since I didn’t actually find the proper dish to cook them in until after I was finished, I did the searing and butter basting in a skillet and put the chops into the oven in the same baking dish I used to marinate them.

Like a first-rate dumbass, I dumped the marinating liquid into garbage after I was done and did not get to use it for the sauce as the book instructs. I hate myself for this. What a stupid mistake. Nothing you say to me is as horrible as the things I say to myself.

I also smudged the marinade recipe. I didn’t use a bay leaf. I just didn’t feel like it.